"Chorus"
I probably wouldn't be this way,
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad,
I never pictured every minute
without you in it
Oh you left so fast.
Sometimes I see you standing there,
Sometimes it's like im losin touch,
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky
to have had the chance to love this much.
God give me a moments grace,
cos if I'd never seen your face,
I probably wouldn't be this way.

Momma says that I just shouldn't speak to you,
Susan says that I should just move on.
You ought to see the way these people look at me,
When they see me round here talking to this stone.
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind,
but I just take it day by day.

I probably wouldnt be this way,
I probably wouldnt hurt so bad,
I never pictured every minute
without you in it
Oh you left so fast.
Sometimes I see you standing there,
Sometimes I feel an ANGELS touch,
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky
to have had the chance to love this much.
God give me a moments grace,
cos if I'd never seen your face,
I probably wouldn't be this way.
I probably wouldn't be this way.

this was a bittersweet day in the journey to healing. My Bella (4 yr old) and I went out today because she was insistant she had to take flowers to the baby (Kevin Jr). Last night at my job my clients at the bar gave 70.00 toward the memorial fund, pretty awesome of them. SO I had to go up today anyway to give the money to Kev's parents. So we went to walmart and Bella carefully picked through the flowers, asking "mommy how long will this one live?" at every flower she deemed worthy of this honor, when none of the answers fit for the live flowers she decided to go silk and picked out a beautiful bouquet of blue and yellow roses with rainbow ribbon. As we journeyed up to Marshalltown we decided to call Auntie Steph and invite her to dinner, so we picked her up and we all went to the cemetary, as we wandered in we noticed that Chris (Kevin Jr's Grandpa) didn't have any flowers left on his site. so we went to visit with Kevin Jr and Bella had to say hello to everyone in the cemetary, she was determined not to leave until she had stopped by every grave and said hello. She decided that we should take a flower from the baby's bouquet and take it to Chris, so she picked a yellow one and we did just that. Then we went for a visit to Kevin's parents and then off to dinner and after that some time with Steph at her house. Where Bella played the with the cats until Isis was looking for an off switch and would sit above her and swat random places on Bella's head as she passed, she seemed disappointed when she couldn't find the off button!

When we were coming home I asked Bella why she had to see all the graves, she replied with a deep sigh and her grown up voice "Mom, didn't you SEE all the angels?! They all wanted me to say hi!" That's our little witchlette.

Today was indeed bittersweet, although we were visiting Kev in the cemetary we were also spending time with beloved family, which we don't do often enough.

We also took a angel sleeping in a hand and a windchime, so Kev would have music. Somehow it is comforting to know he has the lullaby of the chimes near him.

Meanwhile I grasp onto everything butterfly I can find and hold onto the inspiration of the gift Kevin gave to others in his organ donation.

and the knowledge that when I am again ready I will be able to hear the "angels" again.

having the husband have to wait in me and care for kids...............yeah I can do another day like this.....ice cream. tea. soup. yep I can do thisi am still starving....better find something to eat before i passout when meds kick in

a vicious strain of strep....a shot of toradol and pain meds every 4 hrs ust to be able to drink anything......and oh yeah quarentined to my bedroom for 2 days.....just thrilled about that, but at least I have the PC back here.......I am not getting of to a good start with my new position, I have been on the job for a week and have missed at least 1/2 my hours with the funerals and now this...............ohh well .......